My Story

Hello blogging world.  I decided to start this blog to help me get my thoughts and feelings recorded about my life.  Sometimes struggles we experience are very personal, and very hard.  I thought an annonymous blog would be the perfect place to record my history and growth without every friend and family member reading all about my most life changing trials. 

I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or as most people know us as “Mormons.”  I know that there is some weird stuff in the media about our church, and crazy rumors, but most of it is not true.  We are very family oriented, CHRISTIAN people with good hearts. 

I am married to my best friend.  I met him 8 years ago in August, and we will have our 5 year anniversary this summer!  He is my perfect match in every way.  The most kind, patient, hardworking, funny, and amazing man.  I am lucky to call him mine!

My life hasn’t always been easy, but it’s always been blessed.  Growing up, I didn’t always follow the path I should have.  I’m lucky to have wonderful parents and family that never gave up on me.  I am truly grateful also to my Savior Jesus Christ, who made it possible for me to repent and change my life for the better.
As I mentioned, I married my best friend. He also happened to be in the military.  We have been through 2 overseas deployments that were so hard to live through.  Sometimes I wished I didn’t love him so much.  It would’ve made it easier to be apart then, right?  But as always we were blessed and he is home with me now
We have always been excited to have a family.  My husband comes from a large family and has always had an abundance of neices and nephews on his side.  He loves kids so much!  I come from a much smaller family, but have always loved children.  My dream since I was a little girl wasn’t to be a teacher, or a nurse, or a doctor, but to be a Mother.

About three years into our marriage, we decided it was time to start a family!  My dear was out of the military and was in school.  I was working, we were looking to buy a house, lots of changes were in the air.  About three months later we found out I was pregnant!  We were thrilled.  I had always had the feeling that I would struggle to concieve (I’m not sure why) and so it was a big relief.  We picked a doctor and set up a 12 week appointment.  Things were going great.  I wasn’t sick, and we found and bought a beautiful perfect little house for our family.

9 weeks later, I had a miscarriage.

It has not been easy to get through.  I am now in my late 20′s and in the LDS culture people start asking why you don’t have kids.  I have been amazed at the things people say, and actually how rude they are.  I’m sure that when you are extra senstive to such comments that they must seem worse, but my eyes have definitely been opened.

It has been a year and a half, and we have not been able to concieve again.  I’m currently seeing a doctor, and trying to figure out what is wrong.  We are struggling to think that we may never have our own children.
That is my life now.  I am on the path to find joy.  To bloom where I’ve been planted.  To find my purpose and continue to enjoy life while battling the sadness and longing.   I’m hoping that this will be a journey that will be a positive one, and that blogging often will help me to see my growth