No I am still not pregnant. I just finished my fourth month on Clomid and Metformin. It is a little discouraging as all I read online is "I got pregnant in my first month on Clomid. It's a miracle worker!" Well not for me. Which is okay, but still kinda sucks.
My sister in law (younger than me by two years) just had her first baby and he is getting blessed this next week. I am excited to see them, but nervous as well. They live far away, so this will be the first time I've seen the little guy. I am excited- he is my nephew after all, but I ALWAYS get a little jealous and down whenever I'm around babies lately. I can't help thinking, "Wow. You are so lucky, and have what I've been trying so hard to achieve. And it wasn't hard at all for you." I know in my head that this is wrong, because you never know anyone else's struggles and trials. We all have a different plan from God. My head may know this, but my heart still sinks in despair sometimes. Probably all these drugs don't help with that.
UPDATE: So I saw my new little nephew yesterday. He is so adorable! He was looking into my eyes and cooing away. I melted. And yes, as predicted I really suffered for it later. I had an emotional breakdown on our way home and cried for probably 45 minutes straight. My poor husband. I know that he gets frustrated that he can't help me to see a positive perspective at those times... Thank goodness for the priesthood. He gave me a blessing last night, and I can already feel and understand the changes I need to make in my life to make my Faith greater.
I was recently reading the LDS Spring 2011 Conference talks, and found this great quote that has helped with my perspective today:
" Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to Him who loves us best. Sometimes a 'healing' cures our illness or lifts our burden. But sometimes we are 'healed' by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us." Dallin H Oaks
Here is to more strength to overcome. And maybe some physical healing as well. My next Dr.'s appointment is July 18th to figure out the next step. (If I haven't mentioned this already, it isn't my husband. It's me we're trying to "fix."
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